A basic outline of this movie: two-foot monsters that look like a cross between small pterodactyls and Ghoulies are released from some deep underground cave and within days, several of the eastern united states are overrun with these creatures who hunt based only on sound. This movie focuses on a family deciding to drive to safety without having any sort of end point in mind instead of just soundproofing their house or something and staying put. The family consists of Stanley Tucci, Miranda Otto, their two kids (Recently Deaf Teenager and Twelve Year Old Boy Whose Name I Didn't Catch) as well as Miranda's mom (who is terminally ill, judging by the amount of medications she's on) and family friend John Corbett, who almost isn't even worth mentioning since he is pretty much a goner before we even see the critters. (Spoiler!) Oh, Teen Girl also has a dog, which actually had the honor of being the only thing in the movie that scared me in a scene where he was laying on the teen girl's bed behind her as she sat on the bed talking to her dad, then she leaned back and THIS face comes into frame.
(Also yes, the dog dies. RIP Dog Who Probably Had A Name.)
So to get the positives out of the way (of which there are few), I think the acting was fine and the movie was shot well... yeah that's pretty much it. Onto the negatives!
So one of my major pet peeves is when monster movies go the "humans are the REAL baddies" route. Look, I get it, people suck. But you're in a fricken' MONSTER movie. If the monsters aren't interesting enough to be the primary antagonists for 90 minutes, maybe come up with better monsters? In traditional movie/TV fashion, it doesn't take long before people completely lose their minds and decide the only way to handle the new world order is to (a) fully commit themselves to the lord, (b) maim themselves (in this movie, the "Hushers" or whatever all cut out their tongues) and (c) murder anyone who doesn't fall in line. Oh also, I almost forgot about (d), comment on the "fertility" of the primary protagonist's teenage daughter and try to kidnap her. Also a must, because number ONE priority in a world where making noise = death is making babies to ensure the survival of the human race.
I just don't get how people go so crazy so fast. At least with Bird Box (mild spoilers here) it sort of made sense why people became the enemy - if looking at the monster didn't make you kill yourself, then it made you want to make other people look at it. It reminds me of The Walking Dead when they come across the group that lives in a dump and talk like they are using twin language or something - like it's been two years, you're telling me you've already forgotten proper English? Or have you always just lived in the dump???
Sorry, I got off track. Anyway, the bad guys in this are boring, seemingly have very little motivation for what they're doing, and honestly it doesn't even matter because that whole plot line wasn't even the worst part of this lame movie.
As annoying as "humans will immediately turn homicidal and crazy at the first whiff of an apocalypse" is as a trope, the movie (um, and the entire APOCALYPSE) pretty much could have ended about 45 minutes into this crap fest. You see, after the family embarks on their road trip, which almost immediately goes to shit when John Corbett and the dog bite the big one when the monsters attack, the family decide they need to continue on foot to find shelter. They find a house in the middle of nowhere, which is surrounded by a high padlocked fence with barbed wire on the top, and bells on the gate. Hilariously, when they show up the owner comes out out of her house with a shotgun, all "this is private property, get off my land!" she immediately gets eaten by the creatures. So hey, free house for the Tucci family. They are able to get in through one of those drainage tunnel things that luckily happens to be completely above ground and unlocked with seemingly no other purpose than letting strangers bypass the security fence and creep onto the property. (Oh, and you remember how the bad religious nuts come onto the property later on to be a general nuisance for the family? They don't even have to crawl through the tunnel because this dumbass family just leaves the gate unlocked and propped open once they get inside.)
So anyway everyone's crawling through the tunnel, and Miranda (last one in) starts getting attacked, so Stanley (first one out) comes up with this cool idea: he turns on a wood chipper. Why would he do that? Well, the creatures are attracted to sound. So you know what they do? They all just... they fly INTO the friggin' wood chipper. I know, I know, it sounds stupid - how could a creature this dumb have lived this long? But that doesn't matter, because hey, they found a really easy way to defeat all the monsters! And, unlike most apocalypse movies where the internet/cell towers are the first thing to go, the internet still works here, so they could just post a video of the wood chipper trick, and then EVERYONE would know this super easy way to defeat the monsters and problem solved, right? WRONG because after doing this for about thirty seconds they turn off the wood chipper and never mention it again. I just... I just can't anymore.
Bottom line: this movie kinda sucked and didn't really have many redeeming qualities. Just watch A Quiet Place instead (but skip the first five minutes and just pretend like they only ever had the two kids, not three).
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