The Reef: Stalked (2022)

Look, this movie is BAD. There are some reviews that are going to try to trick you into thinking it's not so bad, but they are LYING TO YOU and want you to waste an hour and a half of your life on this hot steaming pile of garbage! Even Hulu knows it sucks - they only put two ads, both in the first twenty minutes of the movie. Why? Because they don't want you to have any pauses later on where you have time to consider whether you really want to waste MORE time watching the movie than you already have!

For a ridiculously lengthy spoiler-filled synopsis of the movie and the run-down of the ways in which it sucked (plus a couple bonus ways they could have saved it), read on...

The Adam Project (2022)

Look, I wanted to like this movie, I really did. I like Ryan Reynolds, and Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo are always welcome in anything I watch, but the longer I ruminate on this movie, the less I like it. Full spoilers ahead!

The Expendables But With Characters We Know Instead Of Just Actors

While at dinner last night, myself and a couple of friends were discussing how cool it would be if there were a crossover movie with Jack Reacher, The Equalizer, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and Taken, and how it would be especially cool if, in a twist no one saw coming, it turned out to be a Cloverfield movie. So I made the poster.

I would see this movie; would you?

P.S. I have seen a lot of movies lately, and am working on reviews, so keep an eye out for updates soon!

The Open House (2018)

I have had the opening paragraph of a review of The Open House sitting in my drafts for months because this movie was just too bland to say much about it. The actors were doing their very best, which is about the only solidly good thing I can say for it. Unfortunately, though they did try, they were unable to polish this turd into a diamond. Heads up, this is going to be a very spoilery review because I had some severe issues with the ending that kind of ruined the already mediocre movie. Full spoilers ahead!

A Quiet Place (2018)

I saw A Quiet Place at the theater yesterday and I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about it! Bottom line: it was a good movie, but I had some issues with it that kind of soured me on the film.

I would suggest if you have any interest at all, be like me: don't watch trailers or read reviews, just go and see it without knowing what you're getting into - you'll probably really like it (as almost all of the reviews I've seen attest to). Definitely don't read this review first, which is going to have LOTS of spoilers!

For those of you who have seen it, or don't care about spoilers (do people like that exist?)... here is my SPOILER FILLED review... with spoilers! Don't say I didn't warn you.

SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!

Tear Me Apart (2015)

Welcome to 2018! I've started the year off right by signing up for Amazon Prime to have a whole slew of new movies and TV shows to watch... and yet I chose to watch the post apocalyptic horror movie Tear Me Apart. It's real bad, y'all.

Bushwick (2017)

I watched a movie called Bushwick last night. Long story short: it was okay! It was ambitious and gets a lot of points for that, but the execution left something to be desired. For the slightly longer story, read on...

Lavender (2016)

Lavender is a supernatural horror movie currently on Netflix. I think it's shooting for "atmospheric" but lands squarely at "kind of boring".

The Princess Bride

HOPEFULLY anyone reading this has already seen The Princess Bride - it is a fantastic movie, it has everything - action, adventure, sword fights, pirates, giants, friendship, true love - it is GREAT. That's it, that's my whole review of the movie. If you've seen it, you probably love it. If you haven't seen it, you need to watch it, because you'll probably love it. Also I think it's on Netflix right now (in the US).

What you may not be as familiar with is the book, The Princess Bride. It was written by William Goldman (who also wrote the screenplay for the movie - which is why I believe it to be the best movie adaptation of a novel of all time), and man, is it good. It is almost exactly like the movie except for two ways, which I'll get to. First, a little backstory...